Lisa's Oscar Commentary: The 80th Annual Academy Awards

This year’s Oscars should be called the International Academy Awards – apparently you had to be from somewhere other than the US to win an award this year. Unless you were an American whose last name had four letters and started with “C” (that’s Coen or Cody), you didn’t have much chance of taking home the gold. Almost every category was scooped by the European invasion.

Other than the shocking lack of American winners, there weren’t many surprises. Tilda Swinton and Marion Cotillard were the surprises of the night and their shock in hearing their names was delightfully genuine. Unfortunately, neither of them were dressed like winners. Though Tilda looked like she was wearing a dress she may have made herself, she did have one of the better acceptance speeches of the night. And if Tilda Swinton’s exuberance (if you can call it that) was a high point, that’s a pretty low key night. The tone of the show felt more like the BAFTA (British) Awards then the Academy Awards.

Forget about best performance or talent, more awards for Julia Roberts, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and Cuba Gooding Jr. Or why couldn’t Adrian Brody have starred in “There Will Be Blood” or Halle Berry in La Vie En Rose? We want some real excitement and some real tears. Aren’t the casting directors forward thinking enough to consider who would give the better acceptance speech? Daniel Day Lewis does get some points for stopping to kiss George Clooney – proving that everyone wants to kiss George Clooney.

Jon Stewart gets some equally low key kudos for being classy, and funny, and for trying to move the show along in record time – only three hours and fifteen minutes – if you blinked you nearly missed it.

Did the writers strike really cause that much general malaise? The abundance of clip montages were evidence of a lot of pre-production without a writing staff. There were no scripted Jack Black or Ben Stiller type of bits. Rather, they greased the floor near the podium hoping to cause a Three Stooges pile-up. Though there were a few stumbles, the big pay off never happened.

There was a great comic moment on the red carpet though. If you weren’t glued to the E! channel watching the fashion parade, you missed one of the best unscripted moments of the night. Ryan Seacrest was interviewing Laura Linney and Jennifer Garner noting how they look remarkably like sisters when a drunk and disturbing Gary Busey busted in and mauled both women, kissing a terrified Jennifer Garner on the neck. Though one of the highlights of the night in entertainment value, Gary Busey’s invitation next year is likely to get lost in the mail.

Generally the red carpet was a success, though not a lot of standouts either way. Red was the colour of the night – Heidi Klum, Anne Hathaway, Ruby Dee, Miley Cyrus, Helen Mirren, and Katherine Heigl were among the ladies in red. With the exception of miss Hannah Montana, they all did it right. The red dresses were sophisticated and elegant and made a statement. Some were flowing chiffons and some were structured silk satins. Helen Mirren and Ruby Dee looked elegant and age appropriate in their structured gowns while young Miley looked too old. Though simple, that long dress had too much structure for her age and the red was too sophisticated.

Other faves were Jennifer Garner and Hillary Swank, though not her best, she always gets the whole look right. And Renee Zellweger never looked better – a standout in silver, she gained a little weight, put on some muscle, got herself a stylish haircut and a gorgeous beaded silver silhouette – excellent. Definitely in the top 5. Also on top were “it girl” Katherine Heigl, in a red Grecian modern gown with perfectly sculpted hair and matching bright red lipstick, and the pregnant and glowing Jessica Alba in flowing Marchesa aubergine chiffon. And also in flowing Marchesa, the best dressed of the night, Anne Hathaway also in perfect red lipstick and porcelain skin – Miranda Priestly would be proud.

On the flip side, some of the stylists were still supporting the writers strike. Marion Cotillard in ill-fitting white mermaid scales. Kelly Preston, pretty as a sunflower but way too caught up in the empire waist excess material fashion – I guess she really wanted to eat this week. Cameron Diaz’s pale pink Dior taffeta looked like a bridesmaid dress, and once again, her hair looked like she took a page from the skanky bridesmaid’s handbook and went for a quickie in the men’s restroom before the show. And Diablo Coty, the happy writer turned stripper turned writer success story was shopping in Wilma Flintstone’s closet. Then again, her parents looked thrilled that she was wearing any clothing at all.

If she were more famous, Daniel Day Lewis’s wife would receive the worst dressed award, but since she isn’t famous enough in her own right, that award goes to Tilda Swinton. With her white skin, bright orange hair, and half of a black cloak of a dress, she looked like a Halloween night that ended in a trick instead of a treat.

On a positive note, the men did it right. The classic tuxedo has returned. Good bye black shirt, black tie (no one will miss that mournful ensemble), hello crisp white shirt and bow ties. The men looked elegant and appropriate, some in peaked lapels, some in shawl collars, but classic ensembles and silhouettes. Kudos to Jason Bateman, Patrick Dempsey, George Clooney, John Travolta, and Duane “The Rock” Johnson. They could all tie for best dressed, but to choose one perfectly groomed and tailored guy, the best was Steve Correll (clearly he had some help).

Colin Farrell’s hair was long and a little sloppy, and the knot in his tie was in need of tightening, but his wide peaked lapel navy tux was sleek, contemporary and fit him like a custom tuxedo should. Javier Bardem also went for contemporary blue tux with covered buttons – a look that he can pull off with his height and charm. Mostly, it was just great to see him with an attractive haircut again.

Always a little too “costumey” were the talented and handsome Johnny Depp, Viggo Mortensen, and Daniel Day Lewis. And on the sloppy side were James McEvoy and the Coen brothers, but none were the worst. The worst dressed was Wesley Snipes in a purple tuxedo that was clearly raided from Arsenio Hall’s 1980’s wardrobe department. If you missed seeing him, consider yourself lucky.

Although I liked the Coen brother’s line that they were grateful to everyone for letting them be able to play in their “corner of the sandbox,” ABC needed to move there play ground to a different corner of the sandbox. Plenty of boring sand, but not enough toys to make it all interesting. Hoping for a better playground next year.